Understanding what is right and wrong in workplace relationships can be difficult, particularly when it comes to romantic relationships. Often people don’t know if it is okay to ask someone out on a date or if it is a form of sexual harassment. Sometimes asking a co-worker out can be innocent and sometimes it is a form of sexual harassment, depending on the circumstance. In any workplace it is important to know your rights and obligations as everyone deserves a workplace that is safe and free from sexual harassment. In this article we will explain what constitutes sexual harassment, and in what circumstance it is sexual harassment to ask a coworker on a date.
What Is The Definition of Sexual Harassment?
Sexual harassment is any sexual advance or request for sexual favours that is unwanted and unwelcome. To be sexual harassment, there must be a reasonable possibility that the person being harassed would be offended, humiliated, or intimidated. Sexual harassment can take various forms, and can be overt or subtle. Forms of sexual harassment include unwelcome hugging, kissing, staring or leering. Less overt sexual harassment is unwanted invitations to go on dates, prying into someone’s personal life or sending repeated unwanted texts or emails. When sexual harassment is occuring in the workplace, it can make the environment uncomfortable and even threatening. Workplace sexual harassment can come from other co-workers, managers, supervisors, customers or clients and can happen during working hours or at work-related activities.
What Constitutes Sexual Harassment?
Sexual harassment can be physical, verbal or written. Examples of what constitutes sexual harassment are:
- Comments about someone’s private life or the way they look
- Sexually suggestive behaviour, such as leering or staring
- Brushing up against someone, touching, fondling or hugging
- Sexually suggestive comments or jokes
- Displaying offensive images or objects
- Repeated requests to go out
- Requests for sex
- Sexually explicit emails, text messages or posts on social media
- Sexual assault
- Suggestive behaviour
When Is A Date Request Not Considered Sexual Harassment?
There are circumstances when asking a co-worker on a date is not considered sexual harassment. The situation when a date request is not considered sexual harassment is twofold. The request must be made in a polite and respectful manner and, if the person declines, the request must immediately stop. This is the only situation where a date request is not considered harassment.
When Is A Date Request Considered Sexual Harassment?
A date request is considered sexual harassment if it is unwanted, persistent and makes the person being asked out feel uncomfortable and intimidated. The definition of sexual harassment in this case is if there is unwanted invitations to go out on dates so “unwanted” is the key word. A person is sexually harassing if they ask in a disrespectful manner and continue to ask after their initial request for a date had been declined. Even if the initial request had been polite, it can still be considered harassment if there is a power imbalance that could lead to an uncomfortable or unfair work situation.
Practical Guidelines to Avoid Sexual Harassment Issues When Asking A Co-worker On A Date
There are practical ways you can maintain professionalism when asking someone at work on a date. These guidelines can help you avoid any sexual harassment issues.
- Familiarise yourself with company dating policies and rules: While it is not illegal to date a coworker, some companies do have dating policies and rules to avoid potential issues in the workplace. Some companies have policies that prohibit workplace relationships, while others may just try to deter them. Many companies have policies that require disclosure from co-workers who are dating to avoid any potential conflicts of interest and maintain a professional environment.
- Be aware of the positive duty: Under the positive duty, employees are responsible for not engaging in unlawful conduct such as sexual harassment. Be aware of what sexual harassment means and how to avoid it. As an employee, the positive duty means having a responsibility to report any instances of unlawful conduct and co-operate with investigations.
- Read the signs: If you are considering asking a co-worker out, read the signs to see if the attraction is reciprocated. This will help avoid any uncomfortable and potentially difficult workplace situations. The aim is to maintain a respectful environment so, before asking someone out, look at signs like eye contact, positive body language, frequent smiling and laughing, and if they initiate conversations.
- Be discreet: Avoid making any public statements or advances that could make your co-worker feel uncomfortable, embarrassed or intimidated. Any feeling of discomfort or humiliation from public announcements of displays of affection can be construed as sexual harassment.
- Ask once and do not ask again if told no: It is acceptable to ask someone out at work in most cases. However, do not persist if the answer is no. When a co-worker keeps asking for dates repeatedly, it can easily become a sexual harassment issue.
- Accept the rejection with grace: If a co-worker rejects your request for a date, it is imperative that you handle the response with grace. You can cope with the rejection by respecting their boundaries and understanding their right to say no. Express any feelings in a healthy way and focus on your own health and wellbeing.
- Stay professional and respectful: When asking a co-worker out, it is important to stay professional and respectful. Always treat the co-worker with dignity and respect their boundaries. Pay attention to how the co-worker responds to your words and actions and always make sure they are feeling comfortable with anything being said. Remember how you ask a co-worker out and how you respond afterwards is the difference between it being innocent and a case of sexual harassment.
- Do not make inappropriate comments or gestures: Be mindful of the language you use. Do not make inappropriate comments or gestures that could cause intimidation or harm to the other person. Use language that is respectful and avoids any sexual undertones. Making sexual gestures and inappropriate comments is a form of sexual harassment.
- Be aware of power imbalance: When thinking about asking a co-worker out, be aware of any power imbalance. A superior or manager asking a subordinate co-worker out can damage the professional relationship and cause a power imbalance as the superior has authority and influence over the co-worker which could be used unjustly. The subordinate may feel coerced or pressured due to this power dynamic and this can be construed as sexual harassment.
- Be aware of the consequences: Before asking a co-worker out, be aware of the potential consequences and if it is worth it. Asking a co-worker out can lead to a change in the workplace environment. A potential consequence of asking a co-worker out can be awkward workplace dynamics due to feelings of rejection, damage to professional relationships, and sexual harassment claims.
What To Do If You Are Being Sexually Harassed By Co-worker’s Constant Date Requests
If you are experiencing incessant date requests by a co-worker that make you feel uncomfortable, there are several things you can do. These include:
- Speak up: If you feel safe enough, speak up to the person who is making you feel uncomfortable. Express to them that the persistent requests for a date are unwanted and must stop.
- Keep a record of what is happening: Keep a record of all conversations, texts, and incidents. Not the date, time, and location and what was said or gestured. It is important to have this information if the intimidating behaviour continues and you decide to take action.
- Talk to someone at work – a friend, supervisor, or your employer: If the behaviour continues, it is important to tell someone at work like a supervisor or friend. Employers have a legal obligation to prevent and manage any sexual harassment in the workplace. By informing an employer, affirmative action will begin to stop the sexual harassment in the workplace. yo
- File a complaint: In addition to talking to an employer, you can also file a complaint with documentation and evidence of the harassment. This complaint needs to be clear and concise with specific incidents and dates and explaining the impact of the sexual harassment. You can also contact the Fair Work Commission who will help with complaints about sexual harassment. Alternatively, or as well as, you can lodge a complaint with the Australian Human Rights Commission who handle unlawful discrimination and harassment cases.
- Seek legal action: Should the issue fail to be resolved internally, seeking legal advice is another avenue, particularly from a lawyer who specialises in employment law. A lawyer can inform you of your rights and options and help you file a claim for discrimination or harassment.
What Can An Employer Do If A Worker Is Being Sexually Harassed?
An employer is responsible for creating a safe work environment free from sexual harassment. You are also protected from sexual harassment at work under equal opportunity and anti-discrimination laws. In December 2022, a new positive duty was introduced Under the Sex Discrimination Act 1984 that imposes all organisations and businesses in Australia with a legal obligation to take ‘reasonable and proportionate measures’ to prevent relevant unlawful conduct from occurring in the workplace or in connection to work. Employers can take action if an employer is being sexually harassed by identifying and addressing workplace sexual harassment and assisting with the complaint process and intervention. Employers must create a safe working environment and encourage reporting of sexual harassment and ensure they have effective complaints procedures. During the process, employers must be supportive, understanding and provide available support services to the worker who has experienced sexual harassment.
Common Questions about Asking A Co-worker On A Date
- Can a company ban employees from dating?
- Companies cannot ban employees from dating. However, they can put in place policies to manage potential workplace issues arising from romantic workplace relationships.
- What are company policies on dating co-workers?
- Common policies for dating co-workers are to be respectful at all times, no public displays of affection, be discreet, no special treatment or favouritism, and behaviour with grace should any rejection occur.
- Can I ask a co-worker out who is a subordinate?
- There is no law against asking a co-worker out who is a subordinate, however it should be done with great forethought for the consequences. A subordinate dating a co-worker with higher rank allows for a power dynamic that can impact workplace relationships and lead to sexual harassment claims in some cases.
- Is it okay to ask a co-worker on a date?
- It is okay to ask a co-worker on a date as long as it is done with respect and professionalism. If the co-worker says no, it must be accepted with no persistent date requests.
It is okay to ask a co-worker on a date but it can also lead to some issues around sexual harassment and create an uncomfortable workplace should things not turn out. There are laws and guidelines around the topic of sexual harassment at work that all employers and employees need to be aware of. To find out more, contact the team at Positive Duty.